Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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