8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
