i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
