Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
