Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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