and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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