Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
