Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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