sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
