I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
