you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
