dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
