Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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