Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
