We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
