Can i not drive my cunt home
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize