I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
