thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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