I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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