Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
birth control should be required to get into college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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