I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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