Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.