I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying