He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?