i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?