it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people