that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm both gender and math confused