eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
