I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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