I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
