just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
