Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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