I puked a lego.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
