Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
