i love accidental penises.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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