i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
