Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
