Do you still have your period?
Yo dont text me then not text me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
