well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
