i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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