nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
