My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
