You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
