Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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