i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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