Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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