I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
