I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
