i can't believe i had my finger in that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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