woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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