I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
