Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You're so nebulous sometimes
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
