Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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