For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
