just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
