OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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