Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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