I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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