I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize