The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
