i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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