clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
sex in a hospital.. check
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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