There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
