I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
