So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
