my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
