You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
