just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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