I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
