yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
