no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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