half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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